


I'm the one left with the memories

by Themooncat



Series: Kurotsuki Angst Week 2018 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Memory Loss, POV Alternating, for KuroTsuki angst week, krtskangstweek day 3, wasn't planning on writing a fic for this but did
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 13:24:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16285397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themooncat/pseuds/Themooncat
Summary: 18 months was what they were given. But it was happening faster than they had hoped.Kuroo Tetsurou is losing his memories.





	I'm the one left with the memories

**Author's Note:**

> Another last minute fic for krtskangstweek... to be honest I was only supposed to write one fic for this event (for the 4th day: Unrequited love) but I couldn't help but add fics to my art works. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it, though it was rushed so it may not be the best. oh well, hope you like it anyway :)

“18 months”. That’s how long the doctor predicted before “Tetsurou Kuroo completely loses his memory”. Except they didn’t have 18 months, it was happening faster than they had hoped.

 

It started off with small things, Tetsurou would zone out and look around, at times, wondering where he was, but at least he recognized Kei. The memories, of and with him were what helped as an anchor to them both.

 

Kuroo didn’t want to forget him, he was sure he would never forget him and he would tell Kei that… even if Kei didn’t believe it. He would smile and nod but he could see it in his eyes that he was scared.

 

Tsukishima wanted to believe in Tetsurou. He did, for a while. But when Kenma came over for their weekly get together, Tetsu thought he was the pizza delivery boy. They thought he was just messing around with them but when Tsukishima saw his eyes he knew he wasn’t. He sat Tetsu down and gently explained that Kenma was their friend, his childhood friend. Kuroo looked confused but apologized to Kenma nonetheless. Kenma didn’t stay long. It was that moment which caused Tsukishima’s strength to break. If Tetsurou couldn’t even remember Kenma; his best friend, his brother. How long before he forgets him?

 

That night when Tetsurou was asleep Tsukishima reached into his bedside drawer and pulled out a box, his little “treasure chest”, which contained trinkets of his favourite people and memories. He took out a picture which had two rings taped to it. The picture was of them, Kei and Tetsurou smiling so bright with tears in their eyes, Tsukishima’s hand in Kuroo’s showing off his hand with a ring, one that was attached to the picture. Kenma, Yamaguchi and all their friends were in the background cheering, some crying. On the back of the picture had his handwritten note: “ _The day I said ‘yes’. Xx xx 2018. I can’t imagine my life without him.”_

 

A teardrop fell onto the picture and tsukishima carefully wiped it off making sure it didn’t rewet and smear the ink. He put the picture back in the box but took off the rings, putting his one on his finger while clutching the one, for Tetsurou, in his hand. He held his hand to his chest and silently cried. That was the first memory that Tetsurou forgot.

 

It was seven months after Tetsurou’s proposal. Tsukishima rushed to the hospital after receiving the call. He ran to the front desk and frantically asked where Tetsurou was. The desperation in his voice scared the nurse and she rushed to direct him to the room. He ran to it, but once he arrived was stopped by a doctor.  “He needs to rest. He’s been in and out of consciousness, has multiple cuts and bruises, nothing too severe. However, he hit his head. I’m sorry to say this, he has no recollection of the past nine, maybe even ten months.”

 

When Tsukishima heard that he took off his engagement ring. When Kenma, Yamaguchi and Akiteru visited and saw the missing ring, they asked “Why?” Tsukishima sighed and said: “He doesn’t remember it, the the months that it took him to decide it and plan it are gone and knowing that just… It feels wrong. Like I’ll be trapping him if he sees it.” He asked them not to tell Tetsurou, that if he did remember then he’ll gladly put the ring back on.

He never did.

 

The rings were now on a necklace around his neck, hidden under his shirt. 18 months were what they were given but by the fourth, Tetsurou forgot majority of his high school memories. It made Tsukishima nervous, still holding onto that thin sliver of hope that it could get better, that they could work through this. That even if it doesn’t he’ll stay by Tetsurou’s side and help him. Until he woke up one day, the anniversary of their engagement, to find Tetsurou sat up in bed, looking at him as if he was an intruder. Tsukishima’s blood ran cold.

 

“Tetsurou?” Tetsu  Kuroo looked taken aback that he knew his name, while tsukishima just felt as if he’d been stabbed in the heart. It was getting hard for him to breath.

 

Kuroo’s face scrunched up, his head pounded. His eyes clenched shut before they opened and he saw the gutted look on Kei’s face. “Kei? What’s wrong?” he asked crawling closer to him before pulling him into a hug.

 

“N-nothing…” He lied. “I- I just had a nightmare.”

 

When Tetsurou went to the bathroom to shower, Kei cried. Clutching the rings in this hand and willing himself to stay strong.

 

It happened again throughout the weeks. Some times longer than others, Tetsu’s reactions different each time, they’d be either shocked, defensive, kind and sometimes he’d even flirt with him. Those times Tsukishima liked, it made him feel like they could have a chance.

 

They went out for a walk, one night. Kuroo was happy, Kei was resting against his side, he was holding Kei’s hand, giving it loving rubs. Kei stopped walking suddenly, causing him to stop too.

 

“Kei?”

 

“I’m sorry.” Tsukishima said, softly, causing Tetsurou to look confused. “I’ve been contacting so many doctors, wondering if there was any way to help get your memories back, but every one of them say it’s a lost cause and I just-” He broke off feeling so broken, looking down at the ground, defeated, trying to keep his eyes from watering.

 

Kuroo walked up to Kei, cupping his face and kissed his forehead. “Kei, It’ll be ok.” He tried to reassure him, but when Kei looked at him, with tears in his eyes, he slowly lowered his hands and let them hang by his sides. Kei cupped his face and with a little sniffle said: “I love you so much… but I’m scared. I can feel you forgetting me.” Kuroo’s heart dropped.

 

Tsukishima took a deep breath before continuing. “It’s happened already, a couple of times actually, and each time I worry that you won’t remember at all. That you’ll leave me-” He saw Tetsurou give him a look that said: “ _I’ll never leave you._ ” Tsukishima wants to believe that but he’s smarter than that. He continued:  “-And I’ll no longer be able to stay by your side, even if I really want to. It’s easy for **you** to say it’ll be ok, because it **will** be ok **for** **you** because you won’t know who I am. But **I’m** the one left with the memories, left with the feelings, while I watch the man I love forget about me and it will kill me.”

 

A tear fell from Tetsurou’s eye and tsukishima used his thumb to wipe it away.

“If I do lose my memories and I forget about you, stay near me still. You’re a big part of me. You made me the man I am today, even if I may not remember that- I don’t want to lose you.” Tetsurou said, eyes pleading with Tsukishima. He must’ve seen his internal battle as Tetsurou continued with: “I fell in love with you once, Kei. It can happen again.”

 

Tsukishima hugged Tetsurou before pulling back and kissing him tenderly.

 

Kuroo kissed back, hugging Kei tightly, as tears fell from his eyes. He couldn’t help it, the kiss felt like it was a “goodbye” and he didn’t want to say goodbye. He felt the outline of the rings Kei was wearing.

 

“My moon, My firefly, My love.” Kuroo found himself saying.

 

Tsukishima gasped, knowing it was probably just a fluke, that there was no way for him to remember but he decided to go along with it and said: “My love, My life, My evening sky.”

 

“We were engaged?” Kuroo whispered. Kei nodded his head.

 

Kuroo’s heart clenched and he hugged Kei. “I’m so sorry”

 

“It’s ok, Tetsu. You didn’t know” Kei said and Kuroo pulled back so he could look at him properly.

 

"No, that doesn't make it Ok. You were hurting this whole time because I couldn't remember one of the biggest moments of our lives. I was hurting yo-" Kuroo broke off as a sharp pain ran through his head like a spear. He clutched his throbbing head as images flashed across his vision. The pain was so much that he fell to his knees. Kei was worried, not knowing what was going on.

 

Tsukishima kneeled by Tetsurou’s side, letting him rest his head against his chest as he rode out the pain. He wasn’t sure what to expect. He was just praying that this wasn’t it, that Tetsurou was losing all his memories now and that when he lifted up his head, he’ll push him away like he was nothing. He shook the thought away. He would stay by Tetsurou’s side, even if he forgot him and even if they never get back together again. He will help him find happiness even if it isn’t with him.

 

Tsukishima realised that Tetsurou stopped groaning, but he didn’t move from his position. “Tetsurou?” he asked cautiously, unsure of how he would react. Tetsurou lifted his face, he had an apologetic smile on his face, but it was the look in his eyes and what he said that caused Tsukishima to cry with happiness.

 

“I’m sorry I missed our anniversary, moonshine.”

 

He remembered.

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently the missing memory of their engagement, a big milestone in their life, is what was needed to help Tetsurou regain his memories.
> 
> [Krtskangstweek day 3 art](https://twitter.com/LucyToyn/status/1050931635540000768)  
> (let me know if you prefer that I just insert the images in the fics)
> 
> Let me know if I made a mistake it's like 1:30am and I feel like I missed something...
> 
>  
> 
> [ twitter (art, chat, retweets etc..)](https://twitter.com/lucytoyn)  
> [ Tumblr (art)](https://lucymt-art.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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